i’m so bad with texting back or handling messages in general. one time my friend texted me and i was going to respond but instead i made a clutch investment in a small towel company and am now the CEO of the most successful towel company in the world and you will not fuck with me here do you understand me? i will run your shitty towel kickstarter into the goddamn dirt. this is my territory
Mom: honey what did you learn at school today?
I will reblog this every single time
This is so fucking awesome
I DONT GIVE A FLYING FLADOODLE ABOUT KEY AND PEELE
WHAT DO WE WANT?
FALL OUT BOY.
WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?
ALWAYS BUT SPECIFICALLY RIGHT NOW
stop unfollowing me i have been nothing but gorgeous and hilarious to u all
just a tip for all you bachelors out there: you don’t have to pay for dinner if the restaurant is on fire